The Road to Recovery
by Jaina Durron
Summary: Set between the EU novels Balance Point and Recovery, Han and Leia hide on Corellia while Leia is in recovery. As is their marriage.
1. Swan Song

Hey, there! Thanks for checking out my newest story. Just one quick thing before we get started. This story is Expanded Universe compliant. It's set between the NJO novels Balance Point and Recovery, dealing with Han and Leia's relationship at that time. If you aren't very familiar with the EU, I'm hoping this story won't be too hard to follow and I'll try to reference what's happened to lead here in later parts.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **On Board the** _**Millennium Falcon**_

 _It will be fine. Everything will be fine. I will be fine. We'll be fine._ Leia had thought the mantra was her own, a not so soothing line of soothing words, strung together to create an artificial sense of comfort. The repetitive phrase seemed like something she might be trying to convince herself of and she had thought she owned those thoughts at their source- until she became aware of Han's frenetic anxiety. Just based on those vibes, Leia could practically hear the words running through his head as the Force sang her a swan song of sheer panic. And guilt.


	2. Say

Leia had dropped out of consciousness and she had woken up. She came back to, crying, telling Jacen, _it hurt._ Han still hadn't gone in to see her. He didn't think he could handle seeing his wife in her state, couldn't find any words good enough to tell her. Han had never been good with words, but he needed words now, needed to come up with some apology that meant something, that could show her how sorry he was. It wasn't that he couldn't come up with anything to say. It was just that it would never measure up.

 _She's always been better at words,_ Han thought. _She's always full of them, full of beautiful, healing words. What am I supposed to say to her?_

They'd finally found each other again and Han had no idea what to say. She'd been standing right before him and, as soon as he'd recognized her loving, forgiving, warm gaze, he was out of words. She'd taken the lead, filling his ears with words. Filling his heart with thoughts and feelings he didn't know how to articulate. All he could do was listen to her and all her words.

But now they were both silent.


	3. Breaths

_Take a breath,_ she was just barely aware of being instructed. _Just one breath at a time._ Leia took more reassurance from the persistent squeezing of her hand. She turned her gaze from the blurry ceiling above to her daughter who sat at her side. Jaina's eyes were glassy, shining in the overhead light. Leia's own vision was hazy, but she quickly realized that her daughter was sobbing.

Barely, Leia was aware of all of this because Han had given her a strong drug to numb the pain which was already beginning to wear off, but Leia's senses were impaired and her mind was working like a slow, rusty hyperdrive. She was stuck on sublight engines. She was so tired, in so much pain. She lacked the strength to even raise her arm, to pull the rebreather mask from her face and offer some reassurance. Or to even squeeze back.

She let go of Leia's hand and stood to release another sedative into her fluid drip. A mere few seconds later, Leia began to feel the effects. Her eyelids felt heavier than they already had and it was a fight to keep them open. She turned her head to the side and saw Han standing in the doorway. Jaina fell into his arms, sobbing, and Han held his daughter close. It was the last thing Leia saw before her eyes fell shut.


	4. Run

The frantic mood had ebbed to an uncomfortable anxiety on the trip aboard the _Falcon,_ but even that comfort disappeared once the freighter touched down on Corellia. The four-fifths of the Solo family went from an unbearable silence where they knew there was nothing more they could do for Leia to docking bay 347 on Corellia where a team of medics was already there waiting. The _Jade Shadow_ rested near the other end of the bay and Anakin, with his aunt and uncle, stood and watched with their own anxiety as the _Falcon_ came to land. Han came down the ramp first with Leia in his arms. She was still bleeding and now his pants were stained a dark crimson.

"Mom?" Anakin cried in a squeak, approaching his father. But the medics hurried forward with a stretcher and rushed her away.

Han looked to his empty arms and frowned.

Luke appeared lost, looking to Han for answers that he didn't have. _I don't know if she'll make it. I don't know if I'll ever get her back. I don't know if she'll want me back._

The twins and Anakin huddled together, wrapping their arms around each other, praying that their mother would make it through the night. Mara offered a comforting kiss to Luke's cheek and a sympathetic gaze Han's way, but Han just wanted to run away again.


	5. Goodbyes

"I presume you heard about the Vong's new deal they're trying to cut?" someone spoke. Not to her, but the unfamiliar voice was nearby. Perhaps, standing just behind her. Leia couldn't even think about trying to scope the person out. Her body still screamed with pain and she struggled to think past it. But then she heard Han's voice. "Yeah, I heard about it," he grumbled and Leia actually found comfort in that familiarity. "I appreciate you doing this for us. Once I heard, I was worried there was nowhere we'd be able to take her."  
"Think nothing of it, Captain. I promise we'll take care of your wife. She'll make it."  
 _Make it._ Was it that bad? Never mind that. Where were they? And what ' _deal'_ was Han and this other person talking about?  
"Relax, Lei," she now heard a warmer, soothing voice come to her comfort and Leia obeyed at the sound of her brother's voice. She felt the familiar wave of assurance that was Luke's way of calming her. He came to her, met her pain and took what he could. She exhaled in relief, revelling in being reunited with her brother in the Force. He gently took hold of her hand and squeezed. "Hang in there. Han needs you."  
Leia took a shuddering breath and looked up to find Luke. "Just . . . Han?"  
"Hey! I only have one sister. And you know it's hard for Mara to make friends."  
"Sometimes . . . you're kinda' funny. Sometimes."  
Luke put on his best smirk for her and kissed her forehead before stepping back and letting the Solo kids come forward and hug her gently before the med team rushed her away.


	6. Wait

"You should- go," Han said to his older son. His voice croaked from lack of use in several hours. "Your aunt and uncle are waiting to go-"

Jacen shook his head. "Mara and Uncle Luke want to stay too. We're here for Mom."

"I know, kid, but- I know your mom would feel a lot better if you left now. She wouldn't want you making any stupid risks just to see her. Go. I'll be with her. I'll tell her you guys said 'bye'."

"We're holding you to that," Jaina gave her father the smallest hint of a smirk.

"Talk to Mom," Anakin added, echoing what both Jaina and Jacen had instructed their parents when Han and Leia had been reunited on Duro.

Han nodded, ignoring the queasiness he felt. "That's first," he muttered.

Jaina came forward and hugged her father first before turning back down the hall to join her aunt and uncle. "Love you, Dad. Comm us when you have updates on Mom."  
"Sure thing, sweetheart."

* * *

She was still comatose, couldn't hear him, but he was there. He sat at her side, hunched forward in a chair, hands on his knees, working up the courage to touch her. All Han wanted to do was hold her hand, but there was a small fear nipping at him. It had been so long and she wasn't even awake and should he dare hold her close now? When things were so uncertain? When she was asleep? She'd held his hand on Duro, taken his arm through hers, but that had felt artificial in a way. Like, she'd been trying to pretend everything was fine. She'd linked their arms and started talking, just talking like she didn't remember the last words he'd spoken to her. Just casual, everyday catch-up conversations. But Han could only imagine taking her hand now, while she slept. Because he was a coward. He'd spent too much time apart from her and now he couldn't even take her hand while she was awake and aware. He'd waited too long, and if Han Solo knew anything about time, it was that he was running out of it with Leia.


	7. Awareness

Leia was still waking up, adjusting her senses to the haziness around her, but the doctor was standing over her, asking dumb questions. Could she feel her legs? _Yes, because they kriffing hurt!_

A blinding light overtook her vision and instinct told her to lift an arm and push it away, but her body was so heavy. The Force was always a reliable second option, so she haphazardly pushed in the direction of the light until she heard a strangled gasp and the light moved away. But then hands were on her, holding her down- though, she couldn't even think about getting up.

"Missus Ryatal," someone greeted her in her first moments of awareness. She thought the voice was familiar and was reminded of the last moment she remembered, the voice that had been talking with Han. "You're awake."

Leia longed to respond with some sarcastic retort, but even her tongue felt too heavy to lift. Instead, she moaned. And then she had to wonder, what had he just called her?

"Missus Ryatal," he repeated. "I am . I am overseeing your recovery. From my understanding of your incident, you are quite lucky to still be here, but I promise you will survive. How do you feel?"

Ryatal, huh? She took it to mean that she and Han were here under different guises. What had happened since Duro for such precautions to be necessary?  
She forced her lips to move, tried to make sound. "Huh-hurt."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, but I really shouldn't give you any more painkillers yet. You already received a fair dosage before arriving here. You'll just have to wait a while. Try to- focus your thoughts on more pleasant things."

Focus on more pleasant things? Leia could have laughed. The last memories she had consisted of fearing for Jaina and Jacen's lives and trying to broker a verbal agreement on the philosophy of life with a gang of Vong. Unfortunately, her mind just wasn't full of many pleasant thoughts at the moment. And her legs didn't help.

"Wh-where- a . . ."

"Relax, Missus Ryatal. You're on Corellia. In a bacta unit at a medcenter on the eastern planetside. There's nothing for you to worry about, ma'am. Everything's quite alright."

Leia wasn't so easily assured, however. But she was helpless and there was nothing she could do, so she let her eyes rest while the pain ebbed at her.  
"Missus Ryatal."

Leia blinked her eyes open.

"Would you like me to bring in your husband?"


	8. Try

Han waited until Nimbi left the room, even though he was sure the doctor could be trusted. He'd hardly gotten a moment alone with Leia since their reunion. At least, not any proper time alone with her. The air was still heavy between them, like an especially humid day on Yavin IV. Leia wouldn't look at him. He could see the physical pain swimming in her eyes, but that was only half of it. All the rest could be dumped on him.  
"Hey." He felt proud of himself to get any words out.  
Slowly, hesitantly, Leia raised her head and turned her chin a few degrees to look at him. "What happened?" she croaked.  
There was a glass of cool water sitting on the caf table at Leia's bedside and Han took it, brought it to her lips. "Here." He told her, "Drink." She eagerly obeyed, leaning forward to sip from the small cup. Some color quickly returned to her sallow face. She swallowed and leaned back into her pillows. Han replaced the cup to her side. "How are you feeling? How's the pain? said he can some more painkillers in a couple hours."  
She gave the smallest shrug, her shoulders barely lifting. Her eyelashes fluttered and that was the most of a response Han got. But then she spoke to him on her own accord. "What about Jaina and Jacen?"  
"Don't you remember seeing the kids and Luke and Mara?"  
Leia narrowed her eyes, frowning.  
"Well, Luke, Mara, and Anakin met us here. You hugged them and the twins before they left. They're safe. Luke and Mara are watching them."  
She nodded shortly, but then another thought occurred to her and she lifted her gaze in vain hope. "What about Duro-?"  
"We lost," he told her quickly. She nodded again, looking away.  
 _Words, words, words._ What else could he say to her? What was he supposed to do when Leia wasn't so willing to take the lead like she had on Duro? She was leaving everything up to him and Han didn't know what to do. _Come on, Princess. You know I'm no good with words. Help me out here!  
_ "Is there anything I can get you? Are you hungry or-?"  
"No. I'm fine, but thank you." Her answer was given as was only appropriate of such a dignitary, but meekly, quietly. "I'm just tired. I want to rest."  
"Okay," Han spoke with acceptance. "Do you want an extra pillow or blanket? I could grab one from our-" _Bunk,_ he was about to say and stopped himself just in time. Leia saw it coming off his tongue, but she didn't even look at him to glare sharply or disapprove. Han thought it worse than getting her glare.  
He got up from his chair. "I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat from the cafeteria downstairs. Are you sure you don't want anything?"  
She blinked and shook her head. "No. I don't need anything."  
"Okay." He left, thinking of that one simple word over and over. _Our bed. On the_ Falcon _. We haven't even shared that one in- months._ It was too late to take back the slip- it had slipped. The reminder of not-so-distant nights was out, but, Han noted with some hope, he thought this night felt different from those. The air between husband and wife wasn't so cold and foreboding. Less caution was needed as to where they stepped around each other. A certain tensity still lingered, holding both of them back, keeping their mouths cautiously closed. But there was one new thing happening that made all the difference: Han was trying- and that was already more than he had been doing.


	9. Bridges

Lying, confined to a bed, stuck by herself with nothing more than the train of thoughts running through her mind, Leia felt so much like a younger version of herself. Like the young twenty-two year-old Leia of so long ago, she thought. That's what it seemed like, considering the way she and Han were dancing so precariously around each other, carefully watching the other's moves, trying to decide what step to take next. Similar, maybe, expect how the mood between them was nothing like the teetering edge of unresolved and unexplained tension and burgeoning passion which had engulfed their time together prior to a certain flight to Bespin. Now, things were more serious, darker- an unbalanced bridge that had stood so firmly for so long, Leia would never have questioned its sturdiness. It must be repaired, she knew, or the bridge wouldn't be able to hold. But to repair or to replace?  
Since Han had left, since he'd escaped her grasp and wandered so far away, Leia had _refused_ to let that bridge burn. She'd refused to give up and insisted on waiting. Even when everyone told her to move on, she'd remained patient, standing on the doorstep, watching, waiting for him to come back home. And she'd been so anxious for him to return, cried over missing him, anguished over his absence. All she'd longed for in these past months was to have her husband back, but now that he was here, Leia didn't know what to say to him or what to do. They were both here now, and Leia felt more lost than ever.  
 _All I could think about since you left was how much I wanted you back. I never considered what I'd do once you came back to me._ When she saw him now, she lost all her words and nothing was working the way she'd thought it would. It wasn't working at all. _Now, here you are and I don't know what to say to you because all I can think about are the last words we exchanged._ Fighting, yelling, blaming, accusing. Every rotten and unexcused comeback she had in her to defend herself from every raw and low insult and accusation he'd thrown her way. _I've already forgiven you and I want to put this behind us so badly. But I can't._


End file.
